I don't do creative things.
In fact, one things I've resolved to do this year is to start making more things with my hands. To make food or crafts or forts, whatever as long as they're trying something knew and learning how to not depend on a recipe or step-by-step instructions for it.
The longer I live overseas, the more I've come to learn that as spontaneous and adventure-loving as I am, I like having a plan. I always use a recipe when I cook, I always follow step-by-step instructions and I like efficiency.
These are all things I've learned I have to sacrifice living overseas. Yes. Even in France. Things are not efficient here in any strict definition of the word. Sometimes you get cut in line by everybody at the metro ticket desk. Sometimes the bus doesn't show up or the bank is randomly closed with no explanation. Seriously, I'm surprised this country is still running. There is no clear-cut process or any idea of "efficiency" here. I'd expect that if I was living in Sub-saharan Africa. Not in France. Not in the country of the Tour-de-France and the Cannes Film Festival.
So my need for instruction, for a plan, that's part of my identity. I could tell you the hundreds of little pieces of life that have formed me to be this way. I could tell you about forgetting to add an egg to a batch of brownies I made as a little girl and crying afterwards because they were ruined (my mother still hugged me and said they were delicious), about planning my own birthday party in 5th grade (and meticulously decorating my backyard and karaoke machine) and how I am a terrible wanderer when walking (I walk fast, always). There are loads of details and things that have made me come to realize that I like a plan. I like a recipe and clear direction and with those in mind I can experiment and have an adventure and build forts.
I like a plan so much that I focus on the plan. My life and identity are built around the process and the plan and not the destination or yet, on the one who guides me through the plan.
Listening to a talk that a friend of mine gave on John 10, she described how Jesus is our Good Shepherd. Instead of walking behind the flock of sheep, shepherds in this part of the world would walk ahead of the flock so that the sheep would follow behind. Each sheep knew his shepherd, and the shepherd would know his sheep. He would walk out in front to prepare the path for the flock following him.
This is how Jesus is with us.
He will never push you into a place where he has not gone before you and prepared a way through for you. He will not call you to a foreign land or to a new job and leave you deserted.
The fact that He has called me to do something does not make it easy, but it does make it significant. He loves us more than to give us an easy life. He wants us to have a full and abundant life.
Moving overseas was not the end of obedience, it was the beginning for me. Accepting this job, moving overseas and buying a metro card was not the grand, final, super spiritual act of my life, but a step of obedience towards my leader.
As believers, Jesus shows us that He is the Good Shepherd in how he stewards us and teaches us in our time with Him. It is as we learn who Jesus is, who our shepherd is, that we respond. We recognize the call of our leader and are compelled to respond.
This is a beautiful image to think about. Christ knows us deeply and intimately. Nothing in his flock is hidden from him. He knows them and loves them the same. He knows that we are silly sheep and that we will wander away at times, but He loves from the front of time. He loved first and loves us still.
We are Known. Understood and Delighted in by our Shepherd. It is after we grasp this identity that we have direction and are fulfilled in what we do. He has handed me an identity and in return He asks me to step forward.
Everyday.
In a land that is vastly inefficient.
And in a ministry that seems impossible most days.
This is the only plan we need. This is the direction that has been given to us for our good and for His glory.
So in a commemoration of this lesson and the hours of soul-searching this provoked, I made something with my hands.
